Lies
by shorinai
Summary: Heero and Relena's relationship...maybe. Warnings: Angst, 1XR, rape?


Disclaimer: Song: not mine (I adjusted where the line breaks are).GW: not mine.Fic: mine.okee-dokey? 

Warnings: Angsty, 1XR, rape (kinda)

Don't forget to review!

* * *

Lies  
song by Stabbing Westward   
songfic by Lady Shorinai

_Your soul   
a pit of stones,   
the depths I wish I could have known _

He sat in his room, the only light coming from the glow of green text on the otherwise black computer screen.He couldn't sleep.Forty-five minutes ago, he'd realized he'd stopped typing.He didn't see the characters on the screen.In his mind's eye was a picture of a girl—blonde-haired, blue-eyed, she carried herself confidently even when she was looking up a gun barrel at him.

She was a threat.She knew his identity.She was a weakness.Has she told anyone who I am?She hadn't yet.He didn't have any proof of that, but he was certain she hadn't.

_Dangerous, black and full of spite   
Thoughts   
of you fill my night_

She had to be eliminated before she caused more complications.She had interfered on several missions already.

He wanted to kill her.

He'd tried to kill her.

Why couldn't he kill her?

He pulled out his gun.It was loaded.It was always loaded.An unloaded gun was as useful as a Gundam with no power.A gun was a perfect machine.In the right hands, it kills; in the wrong hands it only destroys.A perfect weapon.A perfect tool.It fulfilled its purpose every time its trigger was pulled.Like he did every time he took a life.

He stared unseeing at the last screen he'd pulled up.It was an old mission.He'd never completed it.

Kill Relena Peacecraft.

The gun fit perfectly in his hand.Its metal warmed until it was the same temperature he was, until it became a part of him.Tucking the metal into the back of his waistband, he shut off the laptop.In his mind he repeated the response he'd typed months before.

Mission accepted.

_But now we lay naked on the floor,   
I'm lost,   
I'm drowning in your soul_

  
More and more nights were finding them like this.He would enter her room and point the gun at her as she slept.After a moment, she would wake up.How could she sense him?He had no idea.Ignoring the gun, she would stand and approach him.

Against his will he would grab her, pull her close, and crush her mouth against his.He would rip off her nightclothes impatiently, leaving red welts on her skin.He stripped and roughly pushed her to the floor, then thrust himself deeply into her.She never complained of the pain it must have caused her, nor did she fight him.

He never let go of the gun.

_I was searching for some answer in your EYES   
I find malicious laughter and a love that has died_

  
He always stared into her eyes as she climaxed.At that moment, he could see into her soul.

He never felt his orgasm while he watched her, and she always came when he did.Another thing that was a mystery to him.That first night, he fled from what he saw in her eyes, barely remembering to grab his clothes.What he saw in her deepest self frightened him as battle never had.

At her core, she was as empty as he tried to be.

_You   
are haunting my reality   
your lies are the only truth that I believe   
you   
are haunting my reality   
Now everytime I think about you I die_

  
He'd never escaped those eyes again.He saw them every time he tried to sleep, stared through them every time he brought an enemy into his sights.Whenever he saw her, he saw her eyes.He didn't see the smiles, the determination, the love.He saw a cold shell, slowly filling with small pieces of other people.

The first night he went to her, he gave her the key to something inside himself, and every time since it felt like she took from him.Like she was trying to fill herself with bits of _him._  


_Hatred   
runs through me marrow deep   
I long to tear your eyes out in my sleep_

  
He couldn't let her keep doing this.He could feel her hunting him, _needing_ him—he needed her so he could show his emotions; she needed him so she could feel hers.

Somehow, that always drew him back.

_This passion   
can lead to evil crimes   
Do I kill or do I choose to die?_

  
After, she slept.Her nails on his back had brought the blood closer to the surface, but the redness would be gone long before morning.Slowly, lightly, he traced the gun across her cheek, down her neck, stopped it between her breasts with the barrel pointed toward her heart.

He told his finger to pull the trigger.  


_Acid burn etched through my brain   
Someone dies before I go insane   
I was searching for some answers in your EYES   
I find malicious laughter and a love that has died_

  
She opened her eyes partway, still sheltered in the afterglow.He saw happiness there.A part of him went cold.  


_You   
are haunting my reality   
your lies are the only truth that I believe   
you   
are haunting my reality   
Now everytime I think about you I die_

  
Eyes drifting shut, she snuggled closer to him, unheeding of the weapon pressed between their bodies.  


# LIES

  
She was the Vice Foreign Minister, the Angel of Peace.She had ended the wars between Earth and the Colonies.  


# LIES

  
She was a sixteen-year-old girl, sheltered from hardships for much of her life.  


# LIES

  
She was the princess of a kingdom that no longer existed, had been Queen of the World.  


# LIES

  
She loved him.  


_Soon now   
you'll be gone_

_I wish   
to god I could've known_

  
Her duties were taking up more and more of her time, calling her away from Earth so much that her home there was like a good hotel.She had to leave again in the morning.He hated it when she left the planet, left _him._

_I love you   
I hate you every night,   
this longing for your soul has got me scared   
But now we lie naked on the floor,   
I'm lost,   
I'm drowning in your soul_

  
Her absences were both blessing and curse.When she was away, he needed to be with her.When she was close, all he wanted was to get away.

He had to kill her; she was driving him mad.

If he killed her, it would drive him mad.  


_I was searching for some answer in your EYES   
I find malicious laughter, hate and Lies fucking Lies_

  
The Alliance needed her, as every infant needs a caretaker.And like infants, it had no idea what was inside the person who was doing her best to see that it grew to maturity.

So she would go, and she would hold her emotions around her like a shield until she could return and pull another piece from him.  


_You   
are haunting my reality   
your lies are the only truth that I believe_

  
She had to protect the peace.

He had to protect her.

Keeping her alive was killing him, but he would be dead without her.  


_you   
are haunting my reality   
Now everytime I think about you I die_

  
While she slept, he put her in the bed threw away her torn nightclothes, then dressed himself.He aimed the gun at her head.Sighing, she turned over to face him.Her eyes were closed, but he could feel them watching him, daring him to pull the trigger, to end this madness and begin another kind.

Tucking the gun into the back of his waistband, left as he had come.He felt the eyes continue to watch him as he escaped into the night.  


_You   
are haunting my reality   
your lies are the only truth that I believe   
you   
are haunting my reality   
Now everytime I think about you I die_

  
  


* * *

Well, that was weird.Somewhere around the middle it decided to become more depressing than I had planned it to be.

I don't actually hate Relena.I _like_ Relena.I like the 1XR pairing.This song just sort of stuck in my head with an image (I'm not telling you which one) and demanded I write this fic.

Okay, mini-rant done.Review, please!!


End file.
